On Bended Knee
by ladykoji
Summary: Yaoi Warning!!! This is a song-fic written from the song "On Bended Knee" by Boys2Men. It's about Vegeta trying to understand his wife's passing, trying to come back to reality with the Goku's help.


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**On Bended Knee**

He stared into the picture, watching as it stared back with those eyes.Those beautiful eyes…He felt like if he turned around to face the rest of the graves that littered the ground, some fallen and bedridden, some still standing tall, he would see them…Those beautiful baby blues, staring straight at him, waiting to ignite that little flame that shimmered inside of him…Make it like it always used to be…

_//Darlin' I can't explain _

_Where did we lose our way _

_Girl it's driven insane//_

Bringing his fingertips to the frame of the picture, he outlined the dips and curves in the woodwork, feeling his fingers slide over it, memories flooding his mind.Swallowing deeply in his throat he trailed along the frame until he reached the figure portrayed in the picture, sliding his fingers along her cheek. He almost felt as if he'd been given the one chance to feel her flesh one last time.

His fingers came to her lips feeling like it was fire that he was running his hands over, rather than the coolness of the picture glass.Pulling the fingers away to touch the corners of his lips, he trailed slowly along his open mouth, moving to plant a sweet kiss on the tips.Grazing them over her own, he realized that this was truly his last moment….their last kiss…their last memory…

_//And I know I just need one more chance _

_To prove my love to you _

_If you come back to me _

_I'll guarantee _

_I'll never let you go//_

Could she ever come back again?Was she gone forever? Maybe, he had known that moment that he'd seen her eyelids close, that those beautiful eyes would always be hidden from him. Maybe, he had known all along that she would never had been able to make it, that no dragonball nor God himself could ever give her back to him.She was gone forever.Forever.

Bowing his head as tears rolled freely down his face, he sobbed into the silent night. Forever was too long.Too long to live without someone to love.Too long to live without a soul…Before he would wish that the night would swallow him up , so that he would never have too look at another morning, another day and another night without the one who he had loved.That was so much worse than death.To sleep with dreams of memories and to wake with dreams of death. He had felt like he just couldn't go on...

_//Can we go back to the days our love was strong _

_Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong _

_Can somebody tell me how to get things back the way they used to be _

_Oh God give me a reason__...I'm down on bended knee...//_

There was no point in being here anymore. He couldn't change anything by sitting there, alone in the darkness. He had to face reality in the end. He had to realize that life just couldn't go on as long as he wished it could go on for. Everything ended, even love. But, he could smile just a little remembering what they had all gone through. The day that they found each other. The days that they spent together. Those were things that would never leave him...not like she had. He had to face reality. And his reality was that she was gone.

_//I'll never walk again until you come back to me_

_I'm down on bended knee//_

Laying the picture back against the cold stone he stared downward at the engravments. "Lost in her dreams...but, never forgotten." Shaking his head in disgust he outlined the words softly. Lost in her dreams...how true. She had lain in that hospital all alone. She had looked so peaceful then, laying there with silk white sheets around her, her arms by her sides. She looked just like she was deep in sleep...deep in her dreams. But, unfortunately she was never ever going to wake up. Never again would those eyes ever open to smile at him. They were closed forever. She only had moments left...and boy,...was he ever going to miss her.

He could remember back to the moment when he had finally decided to face the pain. He had been avoiding that tiny white room for days knowing what he would see when he stepped in. He just couldn't face the fact that she was leaving him. Leaving him all alone. And it wasn't just the fact that she wasn't in his world anymore...it was that she never would be, ever. They would never hold each other again. He had loved an angel, an angel that was going to a place that he would never belong. Words could never express how that felt. To know that this was your last time to say good bye.

_//So many nights I dream of you_

_ Holding my pillow tight_

_That I don't need to be alone_

_When I open my eyes to face reality_

_Every moment without you, it seems like eternity_

_I'm begging you, begging you come back to me...//_

Walking into that room was like walking into emptiness. The room held no memories or comfort, nor was any of the others there to stay by her side. All that stood was a tiny bed, covered in white sheets that seemed to clutch her tiny body that lay there so still. She was there, shrouded in the shadows of the late hour, her face calm and quiet. She had looked so beautiful sitting there, as if she never knew that she had only hours left. As if she was going to wake up any moment and look up at him, and smile...she looked so....

The man had sat down at the tiny chair that stood beside the bed for any one that perhaps did decide to come and say good bye. He sat there, gazing at her for what seemed like hours but were only seconds as the clock ticked on. He could feel the tears falling even then when he should be trying to be brave. But, he had no pride left. His pride was laying there under those sheets, dying. Fading away. He prayed that she be safe and get where her soul was reaching for. Let her feel love and be loved no matter where she goes. Let her live even after death. Let her dream...

It was plain that he wasn't the person to be praying for anyone. But, she deserved a farewell. Someone to see her off...Thus, he stood, looking at her for what most likely would be the last time and stepped towards the doors, illuminated in the hallway light. Turning back the man softly spoke, hoping that maybe she could hear him, even a little, so that she could go on.

" I'll miss you."

_//Can we go back to the days our love was strong?_

_Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?_

_Can somebody tell me how to get things back the way they used to be?_

_Oh, God give me a reason_

_I'm down on bended knee//_

Walking home in the rain, he had wandered down the streets, not really knowing the way. But, he didn't really care anymore...he could end up at the other end of the world and it wouldn't really matter. He just had to get away..

The street lights danced with his shadow as he walked down the streets looking up at the closed chains of stores that lined the sidewalks. He didn't know what he was going to do anymore...he had no future without her. She was why he had stayed alive for so long... He suddenly felt a tug inside that made him want to run back to that hospital, up the long flights of stairs and back into that little room to lie down with her. He wanted to fall asleep just like her, be with her. And never wake up along with her. He wanted to die.

His feet felt tired and a headache was riding in the back of his mind. Maybe he should go back. He had finally gone to see her, but now..he couldn't face everyone else. He couldn't face his children. They'd see his tears and how low he felt right then. And they would turn away too. He was the man that couldn't even stand by his wife's bedside in her dying days. He couldn't even say a proper good bye. They had all been there and spent so much time with her. They had spoken their love and their farewells, lingering until they could say no more. They had been there for her while he sat alone in the shadows, too afraid to even think of what was happening to her...to them all.

_//Baby, I'm sorry._

_Please, forgive me for all the wrong I've done._

_Please, come back to me._

_Girl, I know you put all your trust in me._

_I'm so sorry I let you down. Please come back...//_

He suddenly stopped mid step as he gazed up out of his thoughts to where he had come to. He squinted into the shadows noticing the Capsule Corp. in the distance. Silently he stared, weighing the ideas of turning away or continuing on, seeing by the lights shining on the porch that they were all there, waiting for that fatal phone call that they all expected to come. For the doctor to call and tell them that it was over and to start making plans for her obituary. They had long ago said their good byes..but, he knew that she had waited just for him...to say the final words. He sighed and stalked up to the building. He'd sneak in by the back up to their...his room. All he wanted to do was sleep right now. He couldn't stand thinking about all of this anymore.

Hugging his arms around his cold body he stumbled through the shadows around the building making sure not to step in the lights that hung from the porch banisters. He walked passed the far wall and around, coming to the back steps that led up to the bedrooms. But, he stopped and stared at the figure that sat crouched on the second step, staring with remorse into the distance in the opposite direction. Not a sound was uttered for what seemed like forever, the audible sounds of crickets in the distance making the silence almost painful. But, sooner or later he had to look up, and when he did he stared first with surprise that gave way to pure sympathy.

"Vegeta..."

_//I'm gonna swallow my pride, say I'm sorry_

_Stop pointing fingers, the blame is on me_

_I want a new life, and I want it with you_

_If you feel the same, don't ever let it go//_

"Vegeta...what are you doing here?..."

His voice came clear and crisp through the night air almost making Vegeta want to bolt away. He hadn't wanted any of the others to see him in such a state, but he definitely didn't want Goku to see how miserable he was. He could probably see right through him, all the pain and sorrow so visible to himself...his outer shell had been completely stripped away.

Goku could sense the man's extreme uneasiness, but didn't move, too afraid that the prince just may run off. He hadn't expected Vegeta to come back to the Capsule Corp. so soon, especially with all of the unresolved anger practically radiating off of the rest of the gang towards him. Even his own children felt betrayed, but Goku...Goku felt like there was something missing...as if...there was something that Vegeta wanted to say to them all, but couldn't. A man such as Vegeta could hide anything from the world...but, not from him.

Son Goku stood from his perch on the steps and stepped up to the Prince, a hand outstretched to show that he meant no harm. Vegeta just stared as he neared, not even daring to move. Goku was probably just as angry with him as the rest were. Probably angry enough to kill...Bulma had been one of the dearest friends that Goku ever had and Vegeta couldn't even honor her presence. The prince shivered and lightly turned to the side so that he wouldn't have to stare at the taller man. He couldn't even look at him anymore...

_//You've gotta believe in the spirit of love_

_It'll heal all things, it wont hurt anymore_

_No, I don't believe our love's terminal_

_I'm down on my knees begging you, please_

_Come home...//_

Vegeta practically jumped away as he felt a hand touch him at the hip, joined with the other as two arms wrapped around his waist, holding him to solid muscle. He looked up as Goku rested his head on Vegeta's shoulder, sighing and hugging him tight.

"I missed you, you know..."

_(I'll miss you...)_

The words instantly registered in his mind. Exactly what he had said to Bulma just before he had left...Pulling away suddenly, Vegeta turned fully away from his tall companion, wrapping his arms around himself as if he suddenly he either missed the man's warm embrace or he was loathing himself for what had just happened. How could he even think...how could he do this to her...

Goku sighed again, not knowing what to do. "I'm sorry, Vegeta...I shouldn't have."

Vegeta feebly shrugged one of his shoulders at Goku, hugging himself a little tighter as the rain still trickled down from the dark overhead clouds. Goku stared, cursing at himself for being such an idiot, all the while wondering what to say to the poor man. He couldn't stand seeing the prince like that. He watched as Vegeta's shoulder lightly twitched, followed by the other as the smaller man began to tremble.

"Vegeta..."

_//Can we go back to the days our love was strong_

_Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong_

_Can somebody tell me how to get things back the way they used to be..._

_Oh, God give me a reason_

_I'm down on bended knee//_

Instantly, Vegeta was in Goku's arms again. The prince clung to the warrior so tightly as if afraid the man would wisp away in his arms. Goku smiled down at the man, holding him close, molding him to his body. 

"I said it...I said it...," the prince sobbed into Goku's shirt. "I said good bye..."

Goku's features turned solemn as he lightly rocked back and forth, all the while holding the prince.

"You know it was the right thing to do...she wasn't going to let anyone take her anywhere until you let her go. She really did love you, Vegeta..."

Vegeta looked up at the man, tears streaming down his face. "Well, I didn't deserve to love her! She was always there for me..and..and I couldn't even be there for her through this all. Maybe she...maybe she even died because, even after I finally came I still left! I couldn't stay..I couldn't...She died because of me..."

Goku shook his head, shushing the prince. Nothing was your fault, Vegeta. Even though she couldn't open her eyes and look at you, she probably felt so happy to hear your voice...to know you still came. And she misses you too, I know it. You've made her so happy Vegeta, when it matters most. She loved you so much...and now it's my turn...

The prince felt Goku's form draw even closer, lowering his head to press his lips against Vegeta, pulling away softly and looking down at the smaller man.

Vegeta stared up into those eyes, looking deep inside of Goku. He could feel something inside that seemed almost familiar. He could almost see a little part of what Bulma was in the man. The same strength...the same life...the same love. How he missed that love so much...it hurt so much...

Vegeta snuggled into Goku's embrace, tears still falling down his face.

"I'm going to miss her so much, Goku...so much.."

"I know, Vegeta. I know."

_//Can we go back to the days out love was strong_

_Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong_

_Can somebody tell me how to get things back the way they used to be_

_Oh, God give me a reason..._

_I'm down on bended knee//_

Vegeta returned numbly back to the present, still finding himself kneeling in front of the surrounded grave, crying all over again. The memories always hurt so much...and he really had loved her with all his heart, even though he never spoke the words that she so dearly wished to hear when she still walked on this world. Sometimes he still wished that he had had the bravery to speak up and tell her. But, he guessed that she already knew all that time. And she did. He would always have a place in his heart for her to stay, because she had never truly left him...she was still living her life after death. He could think of the days they spent together and the day that she went away...but, every moment of his life, Vegeta knew that those days were never over. And he would never be alone...forever.

"You ready to go yet, koi?..."

Vegeta turned from the grave, the slightest smile on his lips. He nodded and turned back to grab the flowers that lay almost out of reach to place them on the stone. He brushed his fingers against his lips, placing one last kiss on the tips to touch the deep engravements gingerly.

"Thank you, Bulma...I'll always love you. Don't you ever forget that..."

With that, he stood and walked from the grave site to Goku's side who stood at the gates. Turning back to give it all one last look, he took his companions hand as they slowly walked away into the distance. He didn't have to mourn anymore,..because he could feel a truth inside that he had never known before. A truth that would be with him always....

Forever never means the end..

_//I'll never walk again...till you come back to me_

_I'm down on bended knee...//_

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Disclaimer: Uh...lessee. I don't own any of the DBZ characters in this story, nor do I own the song which just happens to be sung by Boys2Men. If you've got any comments drop me a line at [trowa_koji@hotmail.com][1], and if you have any flames...you just keep those to yourself, someone who'll actually care. I'll be happy with any or all comments, though! Thanks!

~lady_koji~

   [1]: mailto:trowa_koji@hotmail.com



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